Everyone keeps  secrets. Some people keep secrets do not feel guilty, while others do.

It’s a second kind of people who keep secrets, those who feel guilt or shame. In my career as an Investment Consultant, a secret keeper can be anyone from a housewife hiding a vodka bottles from her family to a compulsive gambler, a food addict, a cyber-sex fanatic, or anyone who is secretly leading a double life.

Secrets keepers are troubled people. They steal hours away from their public lives to act out destructive behaviors or passions in private.

  • A university professor of religious studies concealed on his work computer 4,200 internet photos of children having sex. His secret become so burdensome that when he was arrested, he stated, “What a relief to be caught.”
  • A suburban mother of three children hid bottles of vodka in a big laundry bag and binged while the kids were at school…until they arrived home one day and found her passed out on the floor.
  • A church going father of four secluded himself in hotel rooms to dress up in women’s clothes then stepped out in public whenever he felt the need to express his “in-born nature.”

Around the globe, everyday people like these comprise the one out of every fifteen people who actively live double lives. They are your next door neighbor, the shopper ahead of you in hyper-mart line, the driver behind you on the highway — and they may be you.

In this way I learned early that the key factors leading to secret keeping were:

  • The excitement of breaking rules,
  • The pleasure of indulging in whats forbidden (eating stolen treats), and
  • The delight of not getting caught.

These three examples indicates the innocent ways in which secret keeping can start. The notion of two selves existing within one being is as ancient as that of saint and sinner inhabiting the same person.

All human beings, as we meet them, are commingled out of good and evil. I saw that of the two natures that contended in the feild of my consciousness, I was radically both. All things therefore seemed to point to this; that I was slowly losing hold of my original and better self, and becoming slowly incorporated with my second and worse self.

Self Deception

It is part of human nature always to judge others severely, and when the wind turns against us, always to find an excuse for our own misdeeds, or to blame someone else for our mistakes. The story that follows illustrates what I mean.

A messenger was sent on an urgent mission to a distant city. He saddled up his horse and set off at a gallop. After passing several inns where animals like him were normally fed, the horse thought: “We’re not stopping to eat at any stables, which means that I am being treated, not like horse, but like a human being. Like all other men, I will eat in the next big city we reach.”

But the big cities all passed by, one after the other, and his rider continued on his way. The horse began to think: “Perhaps I haven’t being changed in to a human being after all, but in to an angel, because angels have no need to eat.”

Finally, they reached their destination and the animal was led to the stable, where he greedily devoured and hay he found there.

“Why believe that things have changed simply because they do not happen quite as expected?” he said to himself. “I’m not a man or an angel. I’m simply a hungry horse.”

Why I have a Rough Time Finding Love

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The title shows I am having a rough time in finding love also. so somehow I manage to get the answer to my question “Why I have a Rough Time Finding Love”…
Since I am detailed oriented, and I look at every single attribute of a person very closely. I analyze everything. If something makes me feel suspicious about someone, I don’t give them a chance anymore.

I feel secure physically and emotionally on my own. There is no one around me making my life complicated. I can make any kind of decision without putting someone’s feeling into consideration. I am comfortable with what I am, with what I have, with where I am. I don’t need someone to make my life complete.

I am a dreamer by nature. I have a million things I want to achieve in this world. I have goals and I have set to reach a certain point in my life. I always on the move. And sometimes falling in love with someone just is not a top priority.

I don’t say yes so easily. One of my close friends tells me that I am one of the hardest to persuade in this world. I can give the most convincing reasons why I should entrust my heart with someone, and yet I had still been sceptical about someone’s words. If somebody planning to fall in love with me, you have to be willing to wait.

One thing I say about myself that I don’t compromise. I never going to lower my standards just because everyone around me seems to be settling down. I had rather suffer feeling lonely than be with the person I don’t really find attractive. I am not scared to grow old without a partner.

I use my brain a lot more than my heart. I believe that feelings can be misleading sometimes, so I prefer to use facts and logic before making any assumptions. The unintentional coldness in my heart is the main reason why I have a rough time finding love.

I really dislike my feelings get hurt. I protect myself from any emotional harm so I won’t be distracted in achieving my goals. I am scared to fall in love because I feel uncomfortable exposing the deep parts of the mine to someone else.

I find it hard to search for someone who can understand that sometimes I need space. I need to do what I love and go to places where I want to go once in a while. I don’t like someone who is imposing restrictions on me. And I don’t like someone to tell me what to do, even if it seems like I am the most perfect person for them.